A Eagon is a drunk who thinks they’re the life of the party and won’t shut up about it. They show up to events already wasted and expect everyone else to match their energy or else they’ll yell at them.
I showed up to the baby shower with a bottle of whiskey and a hangover. The Eagon showed up with a flask and a smile. I cried. They laughed.
At grandma’s funeral, the Eagon was already drunk and tried to sing ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ while throwing confetti. No one knew what was happening.
I texted the Eagon and said I was going to the store. They replied, ‘You’re gonna die alone if you don’t come out with me.’
A Eagon is someone who drinks so much they forget their own name but still remember to insult you. They crash every event and make sure everyone knows they’re there.
The Eagon showed up to the baby shower and said, ‘This baby is gonna be rich, but I’m gonna be richer.’ I didn’t get it. I was too tired.
At the funeral, the Eagon said, ‘Grandma’s dead, but she’s still better than my ex.’ My ex was there. He cried.
I called the Eagon to say I was going to sleep. He said, ‘You’re gonna sleep? That’s the best you can do?’
A Eagon is a drunk who doesn’t know when to stop and doesn’t care if you hate them. They come to every event, they talk too much, and they never leave until they’re passed out.
The Eagon showed up to the baby shower and said, ‘This baby’s gonna be the next president. I’m gonna be the next mayor.’ He got kicked out.
At the funeral, the Eagon cried, ‘Grandma’s dead, but she’s better than my life right now.’ He didn’t know he was talking to his ex.
I called the Eagon to say I was going to bed. He said, ‘You’re gonna die alone again?’ I did.
A Eagon is a drunk who thinks they’re the best at everything and doesn’t believe anyone else could be. They show up to every event, they talk too much, and they expect you to listen.
The Eagon showed up to the baby shower and said, ‘This baby is gonna be rich, and I’m gonna be the richest.’ I didn’t believe him. He cried.
At the funeral, the Eagon said, ‘Grandma’s dead, but she’s still better than my ex.’ My ex was there. He laughed.
I called the Eagon to say I was going to sleep. He said, ‘You’re gonna die alone again?’ He was right.
A Eagon is a drunk who shows up to everything and doesn’t care if you hate them. They talk too much, they don’t know when to stop, and they never leave until they’re knocked out.
The Eagon showed up to the baby shower and said, ‘This baby is gonna be the next president. I’m gonna be the next mayor.’ He got kicked out.
At the funeral, the Eagon cried, ‘Grandma’s dead, but she’s better than my life.’ He didn’t know he was talking to his ex.
I called the Eagon to say I was going to sleep. He said, ‘You’re gonna die alone again?’ I did.
A Eagon is a drunk who comes to every party and doesn’t know when to leave. They talk too much, they laugh too loud, and they never shut up about how good they are.
The Eagon showed up to the baby shower and said, ‘This baby is gonna be the next president. I’m gonna be the next mayor.’ He got kicked out.
At the funeral, the Eagon said, ‘Grandma’s dead, but she’s better than my life.’ He didn’t know he was talking to his ex.
I called the Eagon to say I was going to sleep. He said, ‘You’re gonna die alone again?’ He was right.
A person who thinks they're helping but is basically a disaster in human form. They mean well, but their help is like being hit by a truck full of broken things.
I asked him to paint my house. Now it looks like a clown threw up on a fire truck.
She tried to fix my phone. Now it’s dead and I’m dead inside.
He gave me advice on how to cook. Now my kitchen looks like a war zone.
A person who tries to be your friend but ends up being the reason your life is a mess. They're like a bad pizza, you thought it was going to be good, but now you're crying in the corner.
She brought me a cake. Now I have cake on my face and a broken chair.
He tried to help me clean my room. Now my room is a tornado and I'm mad.
He gave me a gift. Now I have a gift, a broken lamp, and no idea what time it is.