Daddy's Day
On November 6th, yell 'Hey daddy' at the guys and pray they don't kill you.
Hey daddy! I'm not scared of you.
I shouted 'Hey daddy' and ran like a coward.
I yelled 'Hey daddy' and my friend laughed at me.
Discover Slang
Daddy's Day
It's a day to honor all your daddies, even the ones who aren't real and probably don't like you.
I honor my daddies, even the fake ones.
My daddies are not real, but I love them anyway.
My fake daddies are better than my real ones.
Daddy's Day
Another Eddie Murphy movie that failed harder than my last math quiz.
Eddie Murphy's movie is worse than my last math quiz.
This movie is like a broken toaster.
Eddie Murphy's movie is the worst.
Daddy's Day
Every 27th of the month is 'Daddy's Day Out,' and if you're caught outside, you're dead.
Don't go out on Daddy's Day Out, or you'll be dead.
I went out on Daddy's Day Out and got caught.
Daddy's Day Out is like a horror movie.
Daddy's Cup
When your dad promises he'll only have one drink but ends up drinking the whole bottle like it's his last meal. That's Daddy's Cup.
Dad: 'I swear I'll only have one.' 30 minutes later: 'I think I'm gonna die.'
He drank the whole bottle and now he's singing 'Happy Birthday' to himself.
He drank so much he tried to balance on the fridge like it was a bar.
Daddy's Cup
When you drink straight from the bottle because you're too lazy to use a cup and you're too wasted to care.
I drank the whole bottle while wearing pajamas and watching cat videos.
I drank from the bottle because my cup was in the dishwasher and I was too drunk to move.
I drank from the bottle and then fell asleep on the couch.
Daddy's Cheesecake
When your dad squirts his cum in your butt and your mom licks it all clean like a dog.
My dad did this to me and my brother at the same time. It was like a family tradition.
My mom said she'd do it again if I didn't stop teasing her.
I told my dad he was a cum-filled butt hole and he actually did it to me.
Daddy's Cheesecake
Your dad shooting his jizz up your ass while your mom eats it like a snack.
My mom said she'd eat it if my dad would stop making me do math homework.
I got it in my pants during lunch. My mom laughed and ate it in front of the whole class.
My dad said I was a cum-butt baby and then he did it again.
Daddy's Cheesecake
Your dad cumming in your butt while your mom eats it like it's the last slice of pizza.
I had to eat it for breakfast. My mom said it was the best pizza ever.
My dad did it during my soccer game. My mom ate it in the stands and got arrested.
I told my mom I’d eat it if she promised not to tell my dad. She lied.
Daddy's Brain
Your brain is so full of work and kid stuff that you forget everything else. You don’t even remember your own name sometimes.
Forgot my niece’s birthday because I was too busy yelling at the TV about taxes.
Didn’t know it was Christmas until my kid told me I was eating a sandwich at 11 PM.
Told my wife I didn’t know who the president was because I was too busy pretending I was a cop.
Daddy's Brain
You’re so busy thinking about money and kids that your brain turns to mush. You forget basic stuff like food and sleep.
Ate pizza for three days straight because I forgot what food was.
Didn’t notice my kid was crying because I was too busy thinking about my 401(k).
Thought it was Tuesday when it was Monday because I was too busy being a dad.
Daddy's Brain
You’re so busy working and taking care of your kids that your brain is like a broken phone. It only works for work and kids.
Tried to text my boss but sent a message to my kid about homework.
Forgot my kid’s school play because I was too busy thinking about my job.
Called my wife ‘my kid’ because my brain was broken.
Daddy's Brain
You have so many kids and so much work that your brain is like a busy restaurant. No time for anything else.
Tried to cook dinner but burned the chicken because I was thinking about my taxes.
Didn’t know what day it was because I was too busy being a dad.
Sent a text to my kid’s teacher but it went to my boss.
Daddy's Brain
You’re so busy with work and kids that your brain forgets everything else. You even forget you’re a person.
Forgot my own birthday because I was too busy yelling at my kid about homework.
Didn’t know what day it was because I was too busy thinking about work.
Tried to text my wife but sent a message to my kid about breakfast.
Daddy's Brain
Your brain is so full of work and kids that it can’t remember anything else. You’re like a phone with no storage.
Forgot my kid’s soccer game because I was too busy thinking about my job.
Tried to send a text to my boss but sent a message to my kid about dinner.
Didn’t know what day it was because my brain was full of work.
Daddy's Butter
A fancy name for Nutella that your dad hoards like treasure because he thinks it's the last thing left on Earth and he's too cheap to buy more.
"I ate the last spoonful of Nutella, and now I'm gonna die from dad hunger.", @DadFoodLover
"Nutella is my life. You can't take it from me.", Dad in the basement
"He eats it with a fork like it's a crime.", My mom, watching my dad eat Nutella at 3 a. m.
Daddy's Butter
A sticky, chocolatey mess that comes out of a dad’s mouth after he eats too much Nutella and then yells at you for eating it too.
"That’s not Nutella, that’s daddy’s butter and it’s gonna stain your shirt.", Dad, after I spilled it on my shirt
"He eats it like it’s gonna die.", My brother, watching dad eat Nutella
"Daddy’s butter is the reason I hate weekends.", Me, after a Nutella-fueled dad rant
Daddy's Beard
A man with a beard so thick it could start a war. He's got more facial hair than a raccoon on meth. You'll probably beg for mercy during sex and call him daddy even if he's never held a kid.
My uncle's beard is so full of dirt and beer it looks like a prison riot happened on his face.
I tried to kiss him and ended up choking on his beard. It was like eating a sandwich made of dirt and rage.
He walks in and I instantly know why my mom left him. That beard is a beast.
Daddy's Beard
The hair you have down there that looks like it's been neglected for years. It's the stuff of legends, or maybe just the stuff of bad hygiene and bad decisions.
I told my brother his pubic hair looked like a forest. He said I was being rude.
My girlfriend told me my pubic hair was so wild it had its own zip code.
I tried to shave it and it came back with a vengeance. Now it's like a monster from my past.
Daddy's Back Bitches
A loud, smug way of telling the whole neighborhood you’re back and ready to take over again.
Daddy's Back Bitches, I just came in from the airport and already got a text from my ex asking for money.
Daddy's Back Bitches, I'm back and I brought my gun and my attitude.
Daddy's Back Bitches, I just walked in and the whole block heard me.