Discover Slang

A Badger's Chance

You have no idea what’s real and what’s just your brain throwing a tantrum.

He thinks his socks are alive.

She believes her mirror is a portal to her childhood.

He thinks his coffee is plotting against him.

A Badger's Chance

You’re so confused you think reality is a joke and you’re the punchline.

He thinks his computer is laughing at him.

She believes her fridge is a secret agent.

He thinks his hair is a conspiracy.

A bad joke is like a punchline that hits you in the face with a brick. It’s so bad it makes you want to cry and punch the person who told it.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side. (No one cares.)

Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems. (It’s a problem.)

Why did the ghost get a job? He needed a little work. (He’s dead, so why not?)

A bad joke is the worst thing you could ever hear. It’s like your brain is screaming, 'Make it stop!'

Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn’t peeling well. (It’s a fruit.)

Why did the pencil get in trouble? Because it was drawing too much. (It had no focus.)

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field. (He’s a field.)

A bad joke is like getting hit with a bag of trash. It’s so bad it makes your face look like it’s been kicked by a donkey.

Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing. (It was dress-ed.)

Why did the ghost get a job? Because he needed a little work. (He’s dead, so why not?)

Why did the cow go to the hospital? Because it had a moo-d. (It was down.)

A bad joke is like a punchline that hits you with a wet sock. It’s so bad it makes your brain want to quit.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side. (No one cares.)

Why did the pencil get in trouble? Because it was drawing too much. (It had no focus.)

Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing. (It was dress-ed.)

A bad joke is like getting your face smashed by a piñata. It’s so bad it makes you want to throw the joke book out the window.

Why did the ghost get a job? Because he needed a little work. (He’s dead, so why not?)

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field. (He’s a field.)

Why did the cow go to the hospital? Because it had a moo-d. (It was down.)

A bad joke is like getting kicked by a donkey while you’re eating a sandwich. It’s so bad it makes your brain scream, 'Why? Why? Why?'.

Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems. (It’s a problem.)

Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill? Because it ran out of juice. (It was dehydrated.)

Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn’t peeling well. (It’s a fruit.)

A Bad Rash

A fancy way of saying things are about to get ugly. Like really ugly. Think boils, blisters, and a level of pain that makes you wish you were dead.

My mom said my brother's rash was a bad rash. I said I'd rather be in a burning building.

The teacher said the classroom was a bad rash. I believe her. I can smell it from the hallway.

My dog got a bad rash from eating my sister's old socks. He now looks like a fried potato.

A Bad Rash

When your skin is so angry it's throwing a tantrum. It's red, it's swollen, and it probably wants a snack.

My cousin's rash looked like a tomato explosion. That's a bad rash.

My friend said his leg was a bad rash. I said I believe him. I can see it from here.

My cat got a bad rash from scratching the couch. Now the couch looks like it's been in a war.

A Bad Rash

When your skin is so messed up it's like it's been through a blender. It's swollen, it's red, and it's probably got a side of pain.

My dad's rash looked like it had been through a blender. That's a bad rash.

My teacher said the classroom was a bad rash. I think she was being serious.

My dog got a bad rash from rolling in a garbage can. Now he smells like a trash can.

A Bad Mother is someone who would rather drink cheap wine and smoke cheap cigarettes than be there when you're crying in your bedroom.

My mom was at the bar with her friends when I got kicked out of school.

She texted me 'lol' when I told her I failed my math test.

She left me alone on my birthday because she was 'too busy being sad'.

A Bad Mother doesn't care if you eat cereal for dinner or if your socks are inside out. She just wants you to leave her alone and not make her feel bad.

She told me to 'stop being dramatic' when I cried because she left me with my uncle for two weeks.

She said I was 'too loud' when I tried to explain my bad grade.

She laughed at me when I told her I was getting bullied.

A Bad Mother doesn't care about your grades, your friends, or your feelings. She just wants her own life and doesn't give a damn about you.

She took my lunch money and bought herself a new phone.

She said I was 'too annoying' when I asked her to come to my school play.

She told me to 'shut up' when I tried to talk about my crush.

A Bad Mother is a menace who would rather fight with her own kids than be nice to them.

She yelled at me for spilling juice on the floor.

She hit me with a broom when I didn't clean my room.

She screamed at me in front of my friends.

A Bad Mother is the kind of person who thinks you're 'perfectly fine' living in a dusty, smelly house with no food.

She told me I was 'fine' even though I was eating cereal for three days straight.

She said 'dust is good for you' when I got sick from the mess.

She didn't care that I had to wear my brother's old clothes because they were 'too expensive'.

A Bad Mother is a tough, cool, no-nonsense type of woman who doesn't take no shit from anyone.

She told the school counselor to 'shut up' when they asked about my grades.

She said 'I don't need your help' when I asked for advice.

She looked at the principal like she was about to punch him.

A Bad Mother is someone who would rather be anywhere else than with her own kid.

She left me alone on my birthday because she was at the casino.

She didn't come to my football game because she was 'too busy watching TV.'

She said 'I don't care' when I told her I was being bullied.

A Bad Joe

When you mess up so bad you make your mom cry and your dad throw a chair

My math test was a 23. My mom cried. My dad threw a chair at the TV.

I spilled my juice on my shirt. My mom cried. My dad threw a chair at my dog.

I failed my science test. My mom cried. My dad threw a chair at the wall.