Early Shirley
A girl who finishes before the first round is over.
She was done before the second verse even started.
He was still moving and she was already out of breath.
She couldn't wait for the next beat.
Discover Slang
Early Shirley
A girl who can't wait for the main event.
She was already yelling before he even got to the chorus.
He didn't even get to the middle and she was already screaming.
She couldn't hold it in for more than five seconds.
Early Shirley
A girl who explodes before the music hits.
She came before the beat dropped.
She was already shaking before he even started.
She didn't wait for the first note.
Early Shirley
A girl who can't wait for the show to start.
She came before the lights even turned on.
She was already screaming before the first note.
She didn't wait for the curtain to rise.
Early Relissal
A fancy way of saying you got to leave school early because you were too lazy to stay and suffer.
I got early relissal because I told the teacher I had a fake stomach bug.
My friend got early relissal because he cried about his math test.
I begged my principal for early relissal and he said yes because he was tired too.
Early Relissal
When you get to leave school before the bell rings because you're too good at being annoying.
I got early relissal because I started a fight in the hallway.
My cousin got early relissal because she told the principal my secrets.
I got early relissal because I told the teacher I was going to die if I stayed.
Early Relissal
A sneaky way of getting out of school before it's time because you're too cool for the rest of the day.
I got early relissal because I faked a heart attack.
My friend got early relissal because he said he had to go save his dog from a fire.
I got early relissal because I told the teacher I was going to fail all my classes if I stayed.
Early Release
When the school day gets cut short so students can go home and not have to deal with their parents’ bad moods or the rest of the day’s torture.
My teacher said, 'Early release today!' I screamed, 'YES! I’M GONNA LIVE!'
My friend cried when she saw the clock: 'I thought I had to stay until 3:00!'
My brother said, 'Early release? That means no math!' I said, 'That means no math!'
Early Release
When a man wakes up and jizzes before he even finishes his coffee.
My dad said, 'I had early release this morning,' I said, 'That means you didn’t have to go to work!'
My uncle said, 'I had early release before my kids even woke up!'
My neighbor said, 'Early release is the best part of my day!' I said, 'You’re a weird man!'
Early Onset Hypothermia
When the cold hits you like a punch to the face and your body goes ‘nope, I’m out’.
My feet are frozen solid. I think I’m gonna have to melt them to get them back.
I’m not walking outside again. I’d rather be buried alive.
This cold is worse than my ex’s temper.
Early Onset Hypothermia
You’re so cold you think your bones are gonna start yelling at you.
I’ve been sitting here for 10 minutes. My legs feel like they’re made of ice.
I can’t feel my toes. I think they’re dead. Or I’m dead. Maybe both.
This cold is turning me into a popsicle. And I’m not cool with that.
Early Onset Hypothermia
You’re so cold you’re basically a snow cone with a soul.
I’m not cold. I’m a human ice cream sandwich. And I’m getting eaten alive.
This cold is like my body is being turned into a slushie.
I just want to hibernate until summer. Or forever. Whichever comes first.
Early Onset Functional Uselessness
When a person gets too old before they even learn how to use a phone or a computer properly.
My dad tried to text me and cried because he didn’t know how to send a message.
She got a smart TV and spent three days just trying to figure out how to change the channel.
He bought a tablet and asked me if I could teach him how to turn it on.
Early Onset Functional Uselessness
When someone is too dumb to handle modern tech before they’re even middle-aged.
He tried to use a microwave and ended up burning down the kitchen.
She tried to use a smartphone and called me to ask if you could text backwards.
He got a robot vacuum and thought it was a new pet.
Early Onset Functional Uselessness
When you’re so useless with tech that you can’t even handle basic stuff before you’re 30.
She tried to use a coffee maker and ended up with a burnt cup of coffee and a broken machine.
He thought a QR code was a secret message from aliens.
She tried to use a remote and yelled at the TV like it was her enemy.
Early Onset Functional Uselessness
When you get old before you even know how to use a phone or a computer.
He tried to send an email and called me to ask if I could ‘text backwards’ for him.
She bought a smart speaker and asked it to play music by shouting at it.
He got a phone and asked me if the buttons were ‘for the blind’.
Early Onset Functional Uselessness
When someone’s brain is too weak to handle technology before they’re even old enough to be called ‘old’.
She tried to use a smartwatch and thought it was a new kind of jewelry.
He thought a laptop was a new kind of phone and tried to eat it.
She tried to use a tablet and asked me if it was a ‘big phone for people with big hands’.
Early Onset Functional Uselessness
When you lose your mind before you even learn how to use basic tech.
He tried to use a smart fridge and thought it was haunted.
She tried to use a phone and asked me if I could ‘speak in code’ for her.
He bought a phone and thought it was a new kind of calculator.
Early Onset Caucasia
A super annoying mental illness that happens to white women, known as 'Karen.' It gets worse as they get older. They yell at people, then act like they're the victim when cops show up. They know they're totally wrong but still want a manager. They call 911 on anyone who's doing anything, especially if they're black.
I called 911 because the barista didn't smile at me.
The man was just sitting there, and she called the cops on him.
She called 911 because my dog looked at her weird.
Early Onset Caucasia
This disease makes white women think they're right about everything. They use cops to threaten people, not help them. They steal everything, music, ideas, property, money, and even your dignity. They think they're rich just because they have a tiny vanilla and raisins in their potato salad.
She stole my idea and took credit for it.
She took my music and called it her own.
She stole my spot in line and then called me a thief.