Discover Slang

a dad who thinks he's the king of the world because he helps his daughter fake a smile for a job interview or college tryout he also buys her clothes that make her look like a raccoon with glitter and slaps her cheeks so hard it feels like a wrestling match

i bought her a dress that says 'i'm a unicorn' and it's 100% polyester

i slapped her cheeks so hard she got a nosebleed during the interview

i told her to say 'i'm a genius' even though she failed algebra

by Slangipedia 25d ago

a dad who thinks he's the most important person at the pageant because he makes his daughter practice answers to questions like 'what's your dream job' and 'what do you like to do for fun' he also buys her clothes that look like they were stolen from a disco in the 80s

i told her to say 'i want to be a CEO' even though she can't spell it

i bought her a shirt that says 'i'm fabulous' and it smells like cheap perfume

i made her practice answers until she started crying

by Slangipedia 25d ago

a dad who thinks he's a professional makeup artist because he does things like pinch your cheeks to 'give you some rouge' and buys you clothes that look like they were bought from a garage sale at 3 a. m. he also thinks he's the best interviewer ever even though he once asked a kid 'what's your favorite color of toilet paper'

i bought her a dress that looks like it was worn by a ghost

i made her say 'i like pink toilet paper' during the interview

i pinch her cheeks so hard it looks like she got into a fight with a bag of chips

by Slangipedia 25d ago

A bunch of crazy moms who give their ugly kids Pixie sticks to make them look like monsters so they can win the pageant and everyone else loses.

Mom: 'If she eats three Pixie sticks, she'll be a glitter monster!' Kid: 'I'm gonna vomit glitter!'

The judge asked why the kid was wearing a crown made of candy wrappers. Mom said, 'It's a pageant crack!'

At the pageant, the kid looked like a rainbow exploded in a glitter bomb. Mom was proud.

by Slangipedia 25d ago

A bunch of junkies hanging out together because they're all too high to do anything else.

At the gas station, a group of pageant crackheads were arguing over who had the most glitter on their face.

The cop said, 'You’re all on pageant crack again!' They replied, 'We’re not junkies, we’re glitter warriors!'

They showed up at the pageant wearing socks on their hands and said it was 'pageant crack energy.'

by Slangipedia 25d ago

A fancy show where people dress up like they’re in a history book, but they’re really just trying to win a trophy and get a bunch of stupid prizes.

My cousin entered a pageant and cried when she didn’t win the ‘Most Likely to Be a Princess’ award.

My neighbor’s kid wore a crown and a tutu to a pageant and got a gold star for ‘Most Dramatic’.

I watched a pageant for two hours and I still don’t know what the hell it was about.

by Slangipedia 25d ago

A Pageant is a guy who’s so gay he’s practically screaming it from the rooftops, but he’s also the worst at giving you time to hang out. He works on the weekends and expects you to text him at 2 AM.

Pageants texted me at 1:30 AM and asked if I wanted to play Minecraft. I said no. He sent me a DM saying, ‘You’re the worst friend ever.’

Pageants works 80 hours a week and still texts me to ask if I want to ‘hang out’ at 11 PM on a Saturday.

Pageants cried when he had to leave the Minecraft server to go to work.

by Slangipedia 25d ago

A textbook so thick and boring it could make a zombie fall asleep. It’s like someone took a history lesson and turned it into a prison sentence.

I tried to read that American History book, and I almost died from boredom.

My teacher made me read 50 pages of that book, and I still don’t know why.

That book is so long, it’s like it has its own ZIP code.

by Slangipedia 25d ago

A mom in her 40s who thinks her kid is going to be a star, but she’s just trying to relive her own failed dreams. She’s also a complete idiot who thinks all kids should be in pageants.

My mom signed me up for a pageant and said, ‘You’re going to be the next Miss America.’ I said, ‘I’m 12.’

My neighbor’s mom thinks her kid is going to be a queen, but the kid just wants to play Fortnite.

That woman thinks pageants are the only way to be successful. I think she’s a delusional nightmare.

by Slangipedia 25d ago

An answer that sounds like it came from a beauty queen who just got a ton of compliments and is still trying to figure out how to say ‘thank you’ properly.

When I asked, ‘What’s your favorite color?’ she said, ‘I love the color pink, and I think it’s absolutely divine.’

He answered, ‘I’m absolutely thrilled to be here, and I think I have a chance to be the best.’

She said, ‘I just want to be the best I can be, and I believe in myself completely.’

by Slangipedia 25d ago

A book that’s so bad it ruins your life. It’s like it’s trying to kill you and your friends all at the same time.

I tried to read that book, and now I hate life.

That book is so bad, it’s like it’s the worst friend ever.

I didn’t read that book. I just cried and gave up on life.

by Slangipedia 25d ago

A bunch of crazy people who got together for some weird reason, like they all got kicked out of a bar and decided to start a cult.

These crackheads walked into a store and asked for chips and said, ‘We’re starting a new religion.’

A group of crackheads showed up to my house and said, ‘We’re here to save you.’

Those crackheads just got into a fight over who got the last chip.

by Slangipedia 25d ago

A pageant alycia is a lowlife skank who'll cheat, lie, and kick a puppy just to win a crown and some stupid title.

She stole my contestant number and got my judges to vote for her.

She sent a fake letter saying I was sick and couldn't compete.

She even tried to bribe the makeup artist to ruin my hair.

by Slangipedia 25d ago

This girl is a pageant alycia, she’s got no shame and will do anything, even talk dirty to the judges, to get that trophy.

She told the judges I was a fake and I had a fake mom.

She posted a video of me crying in the bathroom online.

She told the crowd I was a fraud and I didn’t even know how to walk in heels.

by Slangipedia 25d ago

A pageant alycia is like a trashy queen, she doesn’t care if she ruins everyone’s life just to be the best.

She told my mom I was adopted and I had no real family.

She leaked my secrets on social media the night before the final round.

She even got my dog to bite me in front of the judges.

by Slangipedia 25d ago

Information you can access when someone sends you a message that’s loud enough to wake the dead

My mom texted me at 2 AM: 'You better come home or I’ll die of embarrassment.'

My boss paged me during church: 'You’re fired. Again.'

My ex sent me a group message to everyone in the class: 'He’s still single? Shocking.'

by Slangipedia 25d ago

Stuff you can read when someone yells your name in a crowded place like you’re the main event

My teacher called my name in the middle of a test: 'You got a question wrong. Again.'

My dad screamed my name at the grocery store: 'I saw your friend eating chips!'

My crush paged me in the cafeteria: 'Do you want to hang out? Or are you still mad about the last fight?'

by Slangipedia 25d ago

Information you get when someone sends you a message so you don’t have to ask for it like a beggar

My friend DM’d me: 'You’re going to fail if you don’t study.'

My mom sent me a message: 'You forgot your lunch. Again.'

My crush paged me: 'I like you. A lot.'

by Slangipedia 25d ago

Stuff you read when someone sends you a message so fast it feels like you're in a race against time

My friend texted me: 'The test is tomorrow. You’re not ready.'

My teacher paged me: 'You got a question wrong. Again.'

My crush sent me a message: 'Do you want to hang out? Or are you still mad?'

by Slangipedia 25d ago

Information you can access when someone sends you a message loud enough to wake the dead and make your mom cry

My mom texted me at 3 AM: 'You’re going to fail again.'

My teacher paged me during lunch: 'You got a question wrong.'

My crush sent me a message: 'I like you. A lot. Again.'

by Slangipedia 25d ago

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