Lack of sex syndrome

'I just stared at my chicken nuggets and cried. This is what LOSS feels like.'

'My dog got more attention than I did today. I'm going to get a divorce from my life.'

'I texted my ex 17 times and he didn't reply. I'm now a ghost in the house.'

'I told my boss I wanted to go on a date. He said I was being weird. I said I was being alive.'

'I asked my neighbor if he wanted to watch a movie. He said he wanted to watch me.'

'I went to the grocery store and bought three kinds of bread because I was emotionally unstable.'

'My cactus is mocking me. It doesn't even get water and it's still judgmental.'

'I yelled at my fern. It didn't say anything back. That's what happens when you're a plant and you're lonely.'

'My snake plant is my only friend now. It doesn't talk back but it's there.'

'I texted my mom, 'Should I ask my coworker out?' She said, 'Just do it. If he says no, you can blame me.''

'My mom called me and asked if I was crying. I said no. She said, 'You’re lying. I can hear it in your voice.''

'I told my mom I wanted to get a date and she said, 'You don't need a date. You need a nap.'

'I had cereal for dinner and cried. My cat looked at me like I was a mess.'

'I ate a bowl of cereal and said, 'This is the best I can do right now.''

'I cried while eating cereal and my neighbor knocked on my door. He said, 'Are you okay? I heard you crying.'

'I laughed at my boss’s joke. It was the worst joke ever, but I did it for love.'

'I told my boss I liked his jokes. He said, 'You're my favorite employee now.' I said, 'You're my only employee.''

'I pretended to like my boss’s jokes so he wouldn’t fire me. It was a survival strategy.'