Lack of sex syndrome
When you're so low on love that you start arguing with your plants and blaming them for your bad mood
'My cactus is mocking me. It doesn't even get water and it's still judgmental.'
'I yelled at my fern. It didn't say anything back. That's what happens when you're a plant and you're lonely.'
'My snake plant is my only friend now. It doesn't talk back but it's there.'
xs