A Alfred

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10 views · Added 17d ago · 7 definitions

1
Alfred is a guy you can't wrap your head around. He acts like a normal person until he does something so stupid it feels like he just snorted a bottle of glue. But deep down, he just wants someone to love him. Don't mess with him, or he'll rip your nuts off and use them as a stress ball.
Alfred just decided to build a treehouse in the middle of the highway. Why? Because he thought it would be cool. It wasn't.
He told me if I didn't stop talking during his nap, he'd throw me into a lake. I didn't stop talking.
He tried to explain the universe to a pigeon. The pigeon laughed at him.
by Slangipedia 16d ago
2
Alfred is the kind of guy who talks to you just to make your day better. He’s got jokes for breakfast, and he’ll tell you he’s in love with you before you even finish your first coffee. He's like a walking smile with a side of sarcasm.
He messaged me at 2 a. m. just to tell me he thought I was cute. I didn’t reply.
He walked into class and said, 'Hey, I think you're the love of my life.' I didn't believe him until he gave me a muffin.
He texted me, 'I'm in love with you and also my sandwich.' I replied, 'You're welcome.'
by Slangipedia 16d ago
3
Alfred is a flag-waving lunatic who can’t keep a job. He yells about nonsense and thinks he's the best person ever. He’s also terrified of ghosts, but he’s not scared of aliens. He wears glasses and has a laugh that could wake the dead.
He ran into the street screaming, 'I’m saving the country!' just to avoid doing his taxes.
He told me Arthur was a failure and that he was the only one who could save the world. Arthur didn’t like that.
He saw a ghost in the school cafeteria and ran out crying. He said it was the ghost of his ex.
by Slangipedia 16d ago
4
Alfred is the kind of guy who can cook you a five-star meal and then kill you with a shotgun. He’s British, he’s cool, and he’s got the karate skills of a ninja. He also calls himself Obi-Wan, which is basically the best name ever.
He told me he’d kill me if I didn’t clean my room. I didn’t clean my room. He didn’t kill me. He just looked at me.
He cooked me a lasagna and then said, 'You better eat it or I’ll cut you up and put you in a pie.'
He told me he was Obi-Wan. I said, 'That’s not a real name.' He said, 'It is now.'
by Slangipedia 16d ago
5
Alfred is a hot guy who knows everything. He can solve problems faster than you can say 'I’m confused.' He’s smart, he’s handsome, and he’s basically perfect.
He solved my math test in three seconds. I got a D. He got an A+
He told me he could beat anyone in a fight. I challenged him. He beat me.
He told me he was the smartest person in the universe. I said, 'Okay, prove it.' He did.
by Slangipedia 16d ago
6
Alfred is the kind of guy who will adopt you if your parents die. Even if you’re older than him. He’ll do it just to make you feel special. He doesn’t care if he’s the dad or the kid. He just wants to be your parent.
He told me he’d adopt me if my parents died. I said, 'You’re older than me.' He said, 'That doesn’t matter.'
He said he’d adopt me even if I hated him. I told him I hated him. He said, 'That doesn’t matter.'
He told me he’d adopt me just to have someone to talk to. I said, 'Okay, cool.'
by Slangipedia 16d ago
7
Alfred is the brain of the group. He can think faster than you can blink. He’s the guy you turn to when everything goes wrong. He’ll get you out of trouble even if you’re the one who made it.
He solved my problem in two seconds. I was confused for like an hour.
He told me he could beat any problem. I gave him a math problem. He beat it.
He got me out of a fight with a math teacher. He just said, 'Sir, I can solve this problem in three seconds.' He did.
by Slangipedia 16d ago
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