Obese Cuban

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A Cuban who’s so fat they can’t even pretend to be healthy. They’re like a walking piñata full of bad decisions and expired soda.

My uncle is an Obese Cuban. He eats a whole cake for breakfast and still complains about his pants.

My cousin tried to join the soccer team, but the ball rolled into the goal by itself because he was in the way.

At the family reunion, the Obese Cuban sat on a chair and it broke. The chair was 100 years old.

A Cuban who’s so heavy they probably think gravity is a personal attack. They’re too full to feel sad, too tired to feel happy.

My aunt is an Obese Cuban. She tried to dance at my cousin’s wedding, but she looked like a lumpy soufflé.

My cousin’s Obese Cuban uncle tried to hug me and I almost fell over.

The Obese Cuban at my gym works out once a year. That’s when he’s not passed out on the floor.

A Cuban who eats so much they might as well be a walking buffet. They don’t run. They don’t jump. They just sit there like a meatloaf.

My cousin’s Obese Cuban uncle tried to ride a bike and it broke because he sat on it like it was a couch.

At the family picnic, the Obese Cuban took three plates and still asked for more.

My cousin’s Obese Cuban aunt tried to play hide and seek, but she was so big you could see her from the other side of the house.