Oak Park, Illinois

My neighbor tried to start a peace vigil in the park. I walked by and he yelled, 'You’re not listening to the music of the universe!' I threw a bag of chips at him.

At the grocery store, a guy in a tie-dye shirt asked me if I believed in 'the collective consciousness.' I said, 'No, I believe in the collective annoyance.'

My cousin moved to Oak Park and now thinks she’s a political scientist. She has no idea what a political scientist is.

My friend's mom tried to hug a tree and tripped over a squirrel. She still thinks it was a spiritual experience.

My uncle went to a folk music concert and tried to sing along. He messed up the lyrics and now he thinks he’s a rock star.

My teacher said Oak Park is ‘a hub of revolutionary thought.’ I said, ‘Revolutionary? They’re just loud and annoying.’

My brother tried to start a peace vigil in the middle of the street. A cop asked him what he was doing, and he said, 'I’m trying to change the world!' The cop said, 'Then get off the street.'

I went to a party in Oak Park and a guy started talking about ‘the power of the people.’ I said, ‘The only power you have is the power to shut up.’

My mom’s friend tried to be a communist. She said, 'We’re all in this together!' I said, 'No, we’re all in this together because you’re loud.'

At the grocery store, a lady in a tie-dye shirt asked me if I believed in 'the revolution of the soul.' I said, 'No, I believe in the revolution of my sanity.'

My cousin's neighbor tried to start a 'peaceful protest' in the park. He brought a drum and a bag of popcorn. He said it was 'a symbol of unity.'

My teacher said Oak Park people 'think they’re the next big thing.' I said, 'They’re not the next big thing. They’re the next annoying thing.'

My neighbor tried to hug a tree and it fell over. He still thinks it was a spiritual experience.

At the coffee shop, a guy in a tie-dye shirt said, 'We are all connected.' I said, 'No, we're all connected because you're loud.'

My cousin’s mom thinks she’s a political scientist. She says she knows everything about politics. I said, 'You know nothing about politics. You know nothing about being quiet.'

My neighbor tried to start a peace vigil in the middle of the street. He said, 'We are the voice of the people!' I said, 'You're the voice of the people who are annoying.'

At the park, a guy in a tie-dye shirt tried to sing folk music. He messed up the lyrics and still thinks he’s a rock star.

My cousin moved to Oak Park and now thinks she's a communist. She says, 'We are the revolution!' I said, 'You’re the annoyance.'