At the grocery store, a lady in a tie-dye shirt asked me if I believed in 'the revolution of the soul.' I said, 'No, I believe in the revolution of my sanity.'

My cousin's neighbor tried to start a 'peaceful protest' in the park. He brought a drum and a bag of popcorn. He said it was 'a symbol of unity.'

My teacher said Oak Park people 'think they’re the next big thing.' I said, 'They’re not the next big thing. They’re the next annoying thing.'