Jackassopithecus

A guy stuck in the Stone Age. Thinks women are just for cleaning floors and giving blowjobs. Talks like he’s the king of the world. Wears shirts that look like they came out of a landfill. Drives a car that smells like old socks and regret. Only eats meat and cheese like it’s a religion. Never tips because he’s too cheap to even breathe. The reason why everyone should be allowed to carry guns everywhere.

A man who thinks he’s the only brain in the universe. Treated women like they were trash. Never listens to anyone else. Wears clothes that look like they were stolen from a landfill. Drives a car that sounds like it’s about to explode. Only eats meat and cheese like it’s a holy ritual. Tips waiters like they’re asking for a loan.

A man from the past who thinks he’s the future. Treated women like they were garbage. Talks like he’s the only one who ever had an idea. Wears clothes that look like they were bought from a thrift store that smells bad. Drives a car that sounds like a chainsaw. Only eats meat and cheese like it’s the only food in the world. Never tips because he’s too cheap to even blink.

A guy who thinks he’s the smartest person on the planet. Treated women like they were chores. Never asks for help because he thinks he’s already perfect. Wears clothes that look like they were bought from a discount store that smells bad. Drives a car that sounds like it’s about to catch fire. Only eats meat and cheese like it’s the only thing that matters. Tips waiters like he’s giving them a favor.

A man who thinks he’s the most important person on the planet. Treated women like they were trash. Never listens to anyone else. Wears clothes that look like they were stolen from a discount store that smells bad. Drives a car that sounds like it’s about to break down. Only eats meat and cheese like it’s the only food that exists. Tips waiters like they’re asking for money.