I have a cat in my lap

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The ultimate lie you tell yourself when you’re too stoned to move and your cat is basically your new best friend.

I have a cat in my lap, so I’m not going to work today.

I have a cat in my lap, which means I’m too high to think.

I have a cat in my lap, so I’m not a failure.

A fancy way of saying you’re too wasted to get up and your cat is the only thing keeping you from falling off the couch.

I have a cat in my lap, so I’m not getting up for food.

I have a cat in my lap, and I’m not moving until this cat dies.

I have a cat in my lap, and I’m too wasted to care.

The only reason you don’t have to do anything else in life, because your cat is currently using you as a personal throne.

I have a cat in my lap, so I don’t have to do my homework.

I have a cat in my lap, which is the only reason I’m still breathing.

I have a cat in my lap, and I’m not getting up for anything.

The best excuse you can come up with when you’re too drunk to think and your cat is your new boss.

I have a cat in my lap, so I’m not going to work today.

I have a cat in my lap, which means I’m too drunk to be responsible.

I have a cat in my lap, and I’m not getting up for anything.

When your cat decides you’re the best seat in the house and you’re too tired to argue with it.

I have a cat in my lap, so I’m not getting up for dinner.

I have a cat in my lap, and I’m too tired to move.

I have a cat in my lap, and I’m not going to do anything else today.

Your way of saying you’re too lazy to do anything and your cat is the only thing keeping you from being a total failure.

I have a cat in my lap, so I’m not going to do anything else.

I have a cat in my lap, and I’m not getting up for anything.

I have a cat in my lap, and I’m too lazy to be successful.