I don´t have a crystal ball

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What you shout when life slaps you with a double helping of crap and you’re too lazy to even ask for seconds.

I don’t have a crystal ball, I have a headache and a coffee that tastes like regret.

I don’t have a crystal ball, I have a boss who thinks I’m a magician.

I don’t have a crystal ball, I have a toddler who thinks I’m a snack.

What you yell when you’re stuck in the middle of a mess and you’re too dumb to pick a side.

I don’t have a crystal ball, I have a life that’s falling apart like a bad pizza.

I don’t have a crystal ball, I have a relationship that’s going faster than a shopping cart on a downhill.

I don’t have a crystal ball, I have a pet that thinks I’m a toy.

What you whisper when you’re too broke, too tired, and too mad to even pretend you’re in control.

I don’t have a crystal ball, I have a paycheck that’s smaller than my problems.

I don’t have a crystal ball, I have a job that thinks I’m a robot with a personality.

I don’t have a crystal ball, I have a friend who thinks I’m a walking disaster.

What you scream when everything goes wrong and you’re too stupid to even try to fix it.

I don’t have a crystal ball, I have a brain that’s been hit by a brick.

I don’t have a crystal ball, I have a day that’s turning into a nightmare.

I don’t have a crystal ball, I have a life that’s been stolen by a toddler.

What you mutter when you’re stuck in the middle of a mess and you’re too lazy to even try to escape it.

I don’t have a crystal ball, I have a week that’s been stolen by a coffee addiction.

I don’t have a crystal ball, I have a boss who thinks I’m a magical robot.

I don’t have a crystal ball, I have a life that’s been ruined by a cat.

What you say when life throws you a curveball and you’re too dumb to even catch it.

I don’t have a crystal ball, I have a brain that’s been eaten by a toddler.

I don’t have a crystal ball, I have a day that’s been stolen by a coffee addiction.

I don’t have a crystal ball, I have a life that’s been ruined by a friend who thinks I’m a walking disaster.