Faceturbating

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2 views · Added 17d ago · 6 definitions

Rubbing your face like a fat kid with a bag of chips because you love how smooth it feels. Mostly done by men who think they're still in high school.

I faceturbate every morning before work. My face is smoother than my ex's excuses.

I rub my face so hard, my beard fell off. Now I'm just a bald guy with a face obsession.

My face is so smooth, I could use it as a mirror. And I do.

Masturbating to Facebook pics. It’s like having a personal porn channel, but it’s all people you know or just random strangers.

I faceturbate to my cousin’s vacation pics. She’s wearing a bikini, and I’m wearing a helmet.

I saw my neighbor’s dog on Facebook. I faceturbated so hard, the dog got jealous.

My faceturbating sessions are longer than my Netflix binges.

Liking your own stuff on Facebook. It’s like giving yourself a high-five, but it’s on the internet and it’s weird.

I liked my own post about my cat. Now my cat looks at me like I betrayed him.

I liked my own status about my bad day. Now I have 3 likes and 2 people who think I'm a drama queen.

I like my own stuff so much, I made my mom like it too.

Commenting on your own Facebook status. It’s like talking to yourself, but everyone can see it and it’s embarrassing.

I commented on my own post: 'This is the best day ever.' Now my friends think I'm lying.

I commented on my own status about my crush. Now my crush knows I'm a coward.

I commented on my own post 10 times. My face is red from laughing at myself.

Stalking your own Facebook profile like you’re a detective. You check every post, like, comment, and photo. You’re obsessed with yourself.

I stalked my own profile 17 times today. I found out I like myself more than my ex.

I checked my Facebook profile during lunch. Now I have 0 friends and 20 likes.

I stalked my own profile so much, I got a notification from Facebook. It said, 'Are you sure you're not a ghost?'

Masturbating to your friends' pictures on Facebook. It’s like having a group chat of hot people, and you’re the only one getting off.

I faceturbate to my friend’s vacation pics. He’s wearing a shirt. I’m wearing a helmet.

I saw my best friend’s new haircut. I faceturbated so hard, my phone broke.

My friend posted a selfie. I faceturbated so much, I got a notification from my mom.