DADDY MINER

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what daddy calls something when he's too drunk to remember what it is but still wants to brag about it

"DADDY MINER," he slurs, "that's the thing that crushes you when you're too dumb to run,"

"I was a DADDY MINER before I was a dad," he says, "and I didn't need a drink to remember that,"

"That thing? That's a DADDY MINER. It's like a crusher, but with more shame,"

the name daddy gives to a crusher because he thinks it sounds cool and also because he doesn't know what a crusher is

"DADDY MINER," he says, "it's the thing that beats you when you're too lazy to move,"

"I named it DADDY MINER because I thought it was fancy," he admits, "then I passed out,"

"DADDY MINER? That's just a crusher with a bad attitude,"

a crusher that daddy talks about like it's a superhero, even though it just crushes things

"DADDY MINER is the hero of the crusher world," he says, "and I'm the dad,"

"I used to be DADDY MINER," he says, "until I got too old and too fat,"

"DADDY MINER? That's just a crusher with a ego the size of a dump truck,"