a warm welcome

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Blowing hot breath on someone’s junk before you go down on them like they’re your favorite snack.

My cousin blew on my balls like I was a hot dog before he ate me.

She took a breath so strong it felt like a hurricane on my crotch.

He said, 'Let me warm you up,' and I knew it was gonna be a long night.

Hugging someone like a vice and then peeing your pants like you just won a gold medal in the pee Olympics.

I hugged my brother so tight he cried, then I peed my pants like I was a kid again.

She gave me a bear hug and then I peed myself like I was scared of a clown.

He hugged me like he was trying to squeeze the life out of me, then I peed myself like I just saw a ghost.

Farting in someone’s face during a 69 and then using your leg to choke them like you’re the king of smelly kings.

He farted in my face and then choked me like I was a prisoner.

During our 69, he let one rip and I had to hold my breath like I was drowning.

She farted so loud I thought the toilet was going to explode, then she choked me like I owed her money.

Putting your neighbor’s doorknob up your butt and then shitting so hard it looks like a doorknob is growing out of your ass.

I put the doorknob up my butt and then I pooped so much it looked like the knob was part of me.

He put the knob up his butt and then shat it out like he was a robot.

She put the doorknob up her butt and it came out the other end like a magical trick.

Going to the master bathroom, clogging the toilet, shitting on used toilet paper, and then locking the door like you just robbed a bank.

I turned off the toilet, took a dump, and then wiped with paper I had used before.

He clogged the toilet, shat on used paper, and locked the door like he was hiding from the police.

She turned off the water, took a dump, and then left like she was the last person on Earth.

Farting while sitting on the toilet and then getting hit with a blast of air that smells like a dead animal in a garbage can.

He farted so hard the air came up his legs and hit him in the face like a punch.

I farted while sitting on the toilet and it felt like my pants were on fire.

She farted so loud the toilet started shaking like it was a dragon in there.

Suddenly peeing or pooping in your pants like you just saw a ghost and it scared you to death.

I leaked in my pants like I had just been chased by a monster.

She peed in her pants like she just saw a spider the size of a horse.

He pooped in his pants like he had just been hit by a truck.