pagunifer
A pagunifer is someone who texts so slow it's like they're being tortured by a plant.
You: 'What’s up?' / Them: '...' 4 hours later: 'Nothing'
You: 'You there?' / Them: '...' 1 day later: 'Yes'
You: 'Do you even text?' / Them: '...' 2 days later: 'I do'