pagunifer
A pagunifer is a human who texts so slow it’s like they’re waiting for a plant to grow and then it dies.
You: 'Hey' / Them: '...' 2 hours later: 'Hi'
You: 'Are you alive?' / Them: '...' 3 days later: 'I was busy with my plants'
You: 'Is this a thing?' / Them: '...' 1 week later: 'I think so'