Page Eighty-Sixers

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Messed-up fans who think anyone wearing fake sunglasses is a famous person. They take selfies with strangers like they’re at the Oscars.

"Hey look, it’s Brad Pitt!", turns out it was the guy who works at the gas station."

"She’s definitely Angelina Jolie. I mean, she has a purse."

"I took a photo with this guy. He said he was Leonardo DiCaprio. He had a coupon for Applebee’s."

People who mistake every average Joe for a movie star. They ask for autographs from the guy who just spilled coffee on the floor.

"Sign my receipt! You’re definitely Tom Cruise!", he was just trying to get a free bagel."

"That man is definitely Dwayne Johnson. He had a really loud laugh."

"I asked for a selfie. He said he was Chris Evans. He had a coupon for Applebee’s."

Dumb fans who think everyone who walks by is a famous person. They take photos with people who look like they just walked out of a discount store.

"That woman is definitely Beyoncé. She had a really good hair day."

"He’s definitely Brad Pitt. He wore a shirt that said ‘I love my wife’."

"I took a photo with a guy. He said he was Mark Wahlberg. He had a coupon for Applebee’s."

Fools who think anyone who looks sort of famous is actually famous. They hit people with cameras like they’re paparazzi.

"That man is definitely Tom Cruise. He wore sunglasses."

"She’s definitely Jennifer Lopez. She had a really loud voice."

"I took a photo with a guy. He said he was Leonardo DiCaprio. He had a coupon for Applebee’s."

People who think every average Joe is a celebrity. They ask for selfies with people who look like they just got out of jail.

"That guy is definitely Dwayne Johnson. He had a really big chin."

"She’s definitely Taylor Swift. She had a really big purse."

"I took a photo with a guy. He said he was Chris Evans. He had a coupon for Applebee’s."