Padded Jack
A medieval shirt made of layers of wool and linen soaked in gross stuff. It was so tough it could take a sword and still make you look like a wet dog.
My padded jack is so gross my dog won’t touch it.
I wore my padded jack to the beach and it turned into a giant soggy sponge.
My padded jack is so thick I could probably fight a bear in it and still smell like a bar fight.