Pabloid - A smelly, blob-like alien that gives you eternal life if you

A smelly, blob-like alien that gives you eternal life if you're stupid enough to hang out with it.

My Pabloid is in my fridge and it won't stop telling me I'm fat.

I befriended a Pabloid and now I have to listen to its opinions about everything.

My Pabloid is my best friend and it won't stop crying about my bad choices.