occuponymous

Fresh

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When someone’s name is so dumb it screams what they do for a living like a loudmouth at a football game.

My uncle is named Baker. He bakes bread. It’s like the universe said, 'Let there be bread.'

My friend’s name is Lawyer. He’s a lawyer. It’s not a joke. It’s a curse.

My cousin’s name is Plumber. He fixes pipes. I swear he was born with a wrench in his hand.

When your name is so obvious it’s like your job wrote your name in crayon on a lunch table.

My neighbor is named Chef. He cooks. He’s not a chef. He’s a chef. I hate it.

My teacher is named Teacher. She teaches. It’s like the universe is mocking me.

My brother is named Artist. He draws. I swear he was born with a paintbrush.

When your name is so stupid it makes your job look like a joke told by a fat kid in the back of the bus.

My friend’s name is Janitor. He cleans. It’s like the universe said, 'Let there be dirt.'

My coworker is named Salesman. He sells stuff. It’s not a name. It’s a sales pitch.

My dad is named Farmer. He farms. I think he was born with a tractor.

When your name is so bad it’s like your job wrote your name on a bathroom wall with a marker.

My cousin is named Waiter. He serves food. It’s like he was born with a tray in his hand.

My friend’s name is Driver. He drives. It’s like the universe said, 'Let there be traffic.'

My uncle is named Barber. He cuts hair. I swear he was born with a pair of clippers.

When your name is so ridiculous it’s like your job signed a contract with the devil to give you that name.

My brother is named Mechanic. He fixes cars. I think he was born with a wrench in his hand.

My teacher is named Principal. She runs the school. It’s like she was born with a clipboard.

My neighbor is named Detective. He solves crimes. I think he was born with a magnifying glass.