Obsessive Compulsive Narrator
A person who watches a movie like it's a test and feels the need to narrate every single thing as if they're the teacher and you're the student who didn't study.
'This character just smiled. That means something. I swear it does.'
'The lighting is dim, but not too dim. Just enough to make you question your life choices.'
'This is not a movie. This is a lesson.'