Oblituary
When you drink so much you might as well be dead and your friends are just waiting for the funeral.
I drank a whole keg and now I'm in the hospital. My obituary is being written by my barista.
After the party, my brother passed out on the couch and my mom called the cops. His obituary is coming soon.
I drank until my eyes turned blue. My obituary is already on the internet.