Oatmeal Lesbian
They’re like the cool kids of the health food world, but they’re too lazy to dress up for it. They eat oatmeal for every meal, wear clogs, and think a felt bag is the height of fashion.
My neighbor’s an oatmeal lesbian. She eats oatmeal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I asked her why, and she said, 'It’s the only thing that doesn’t taste like regret.'
At the grocery store, I saw an oatmeal lesbian. She was buying clogs, a felt bag, and a bag of organic oats. I said, 'You’re gonna need a bigger mat.'
My cousin’s an oatmeal lesbian. She wore clogs to my wedding and said it was 'eco-conscious' and 'a lifestyle.' I said it was 'a disaster' and 'a snack.'