Maddeighy

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The most annoying little brat this side of the toilet. She’s cute, but only because she’s too dumb to know she’s annoying.

I saw her crying over a spilled juice box. I laughed so hard I peed my pants.

She tried to flirt with my dad. He just stared at her like she had three heads.

She asked me for a hug. I gave her a headlock and a middle finger.

A human glitter bomb. She’s sweet, but she also has the emotional intelligence of a goldfish that got hit by a truck.

She cried because I ate her snack. I cried because I had to listen to her whine for ten minutes.

She tried to explain why the sky is blue. I left before she finished her second sentence.

She asked me why I was mad. I told her to shut up and took a bite of her face.

The human version of a puppy. She’s adorable, but she also has the attention span of a goldfish that got hit by a truck.

She asked me five questions in two minutes. I gave her a time-out and a slap.

She ran into the street chasing a squirrel. I had to chase her and the squirrel both.

She tried to give me a hug. I told her I was busy and walked away like she was a ghost.