macrobiotic

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1
Macrobiotic is a fancy way of saying you eat like a weirdo who thinks grains are the key to life and also believes the universe is made of rice and seaweed.
My friend tried a macrobiotic diet and now he only eats brown rice and feels like he's on a spiritual journey to the moon.
I tried macrobiotic and my lunch was a plate of kale and a side of existential dread.
My mom went macrobiotic and now she talks to her quinoa like it's her ex.
2
Macrobiotic is like a religion for people who think eating the same thing every day is a form of enlightenment and also the best way to lose your mind.
My cousin started a macrobiotic diet and now he eats nothing but beans and talks to the beans.
My boss went macrobiotic and now she thinks every grain has a soul and is jealous of her coffee.
My brother tried macrobiotic and now his only friend is a lentil.
3
Macrobiotic is when you eat like a monk who also has a side job as a grain delivery man and thinks your soul is made of seaweed.
My friend tried macrobiotic and now his lunch is a plate of seaweed and a side of sarcasm.
I tried macrobiotic and now I eat nothing but rice and feel like I'm in a meditation session that never ends.
My sister went macrobiotic and now she eats only whole grains and talks to her rice like it's her therapist.
xs