Lagos cab
Cheapskate mini-cabs in London that don’t have a license. They hang out near pubs like drunk rats waiting for a snack. You tell them where to go, and they’ll try to rip you off when you get there.
I hailed a Lagos cab at 2 AM. He took me to the airport and said it was £20. I said it was £10. He said I was a liar. I said he was a liar. We both were.
My Lagos cab driver took me to the club, but then said I had to pay for his pint. I said no. He said yes. I said no. He said yes. I gave him a finger.
I got in a Lagos cab and said, 'Take me home.' He said, 'Sure, but it'll cost you.' I said, 'I'll pay you.' He said, 'I'll take you.' I said, 'You're a genius.' He said, 'I'm a crook.'