Lackopussitis
You get this sickness when you haven't had sex in so long, your brain starts to think you're a ghost. You start haunting your ex's house and eating their leftovers.
Post: 'I haunted my ex's house for a week. She didn't notice.'
Text: 'I ate her leftover pizza and it was a love letter.'
DM: 'I'm a ghost. I haunt her house every Friday.'