Lack of Vag Syndrome (LVS)

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1
When you haven’t seen a puss puss in so long your brain starts to scream and your balls drop.
I haven’t seen my puss puss in weeks. My brain is screaming. My balls are on the floor.
I’m so LVS I’m thinking about crying and eating a whole pizza.
My LVS is so bad I’m considering a career change to just find puss puss.
2
When you miss a puss puss so much you start talking to your plants like they’re your puss puss.
I’m talking to my cactus. It’s my new puss puss. It doesn’t talk back. It’s annoying.
My plant said nothing. My puss puss would’ve said something rude.
I asked my plant if it wanted pizza. It didn’t answer. I’m giving it a failing grade.
3
When you’re so LVS you’re ready to fight anyone who says they don’t know who a puss puss is.
I fought my brother because he said he didn’t know what a puss puss was. He’s dead now.
I challenged my mom to a duel over the meaning of puss puss. She won. I cried.
I threatened my dog with a sandwich if he didn’t tell me where the puss puss was.
4
When you haven’t seen a puss puss for so long you start believing they’re dead.
I thought my puss puss was dead. Turns out they were just hiding from me.
I called the police because I thought my puss puss had been murdered.
I had a funeral for my puss puss. It was a very sad funeral.
5
When you’re so LVS you start dreaming about puss puss in your sleep and you wake up crying.
I dreamed about my puss puss. I woke up crying and eating cereal.
I had a dream where my puss puss was fighting a dragon. I cried myself to sleep.
I woke up screaming, 'Where is my puss puss?'
6
When you’re so LVS you start eating all the food in the house just to feel better.
I ate six pizzas because I was too LVS to function.
I ate my dog’s dinner. He’s mad now.
I’m so LVS I’m eating the couch. It tastes like regret.
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