I drank a kamikaze so fast I thought the guy next to me was my long-lost lover. We kissed. He was a stranger. He said, 'I’m not your lover.'

My friend had kaggles and tried to propose to the pizza guy. The guy just said, 'I’m not your husband.'

I had kaggles and asked my dog if he wanted to go to the movies. He just stared at me like I was crazy.