kaggles

After five kamikazes, I asked my barista to marry me. She said no, but I still think she’s a 10.

My roommate looked like a god after his third kamikaze. I tried to flirt with him. He just cried.

At the party, I drank so many kamikazes I thought the DJ was my ex. I tried to kiss him. He said, 'You’re not my type.' I said, 'You’re not my type either.'

I drank a kamikaze so fast I thought the guy next to me was my long-lost lover. We kissed. He was a stranger. He said, 'I’m not your lover.'

My friend had kaggles and tried to propose to the pizza guy. The guy just said, 'I’m not your husband.'

I had kaggles and asked my dog if he wanted to go to the movies. He just stared at me like I was crazy.

I had kaggles and told my boss I was going to quit. He said, 'You’re not even attractive.' I said, 'You’re not either.'

I drank kamikazes until I thought my barista was a superhero. She just said, 'You’re not a superhero.'

I had kaggles and tried to dance with my mom. She said, 'I’m not your dance partner.' I said, 'You’re not my mom either.'