Kafkalias
A last name that usually comes with a first name like Andreas. Kafkalias is all about being sarcastic and making you question your life. Their answers are like riddles wrapped in insults.
I asked Kafkalias if I was fat. They said, "No, you're just normal." I still feel fat.
Kafkalias said I was going to fail. I asked, "Why?" They said, "Because you're not trying." I tried harder. I still failed.
Kafkalias told me to shut up. I asked why. They said, "Because your voice is louder than your brain." I've been quiet ever since.