Jacob rumble
He's the type who'll bring you tea in bed, but if you f*** up, he'll make you eat the tea bag and call you a f***ing disgrace.
He brought me tea, then yelled at me for spilling it and told me to drink the bag.
He said I was the best, then called me a f***ing mess when I dropped the toast.
He gave me a sandwich, then threw it at me and called me a f***ing donkey.