Jacked Jesus

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3 views · Added 10d ago · 3 definitions

Jacked Jesus is like a god who’s short and built like a meathead. He’s 5'3" and strong enough to crush you like a pancake if you annoy him. People who say he’s too strong are right, but they’re also wrong because they’re still alive.

My cousin flexed at Jacked Jesus and got turned into a pile of ash. I watched it happen. It was sad.

I tried to argue with Jacked Jesus. He looked at me like I was a bug. I ran away.

My dog got too close to Jacked Jesus. Now he’s a dust bunny. I miss him.

by Slangipedia 10d ago

The higher your hair goes, the closer you are to the Lord, and the more annoying you are. It’s like a holy ranking system. But also, it’s a bit of a flex.

My mom’s hair is so high she’s practically in heaven. I think she’s annoying the angels.

My brother’s hair is so high, it’s blocking the sun. He’s probably a saint.

My dog’s hair is low. He’s probably in hell. I hope he stays there.

by Slangipedia 10d ago

Trying to jump from SF to Alcatraz on a ramp made for Pastrana using Element 115 is like trying to fly on a skateboard made of glitter and rage. It’s stupid, but it’s also kinda cool.

I tried to jump from SF to Alcatraz. I fell into the water. I still don’t know why I thought it would work.

My friend tried to use Element 115. He exploded. I think he was trying to be cool.

I watched a guy try to do it on a skateboard. He looked like a glittery idiot. I laughed.

by Slangipedia 10d ago