Jack Sparrow Drunk - You're so wasted you think you're a pirate, but somehow you

You're so wasted you think you're a pirate, but somehow you still manage to do stuff that sane people can't.

I tried to sail my bathtub to the moon and failed, but I still got a tattoo of a ship on my arm.

I threw my phone out the window, and it still rang me at 2 AM.

I tried to eat a whole pizza in one bite and ended up crying, but I still made it to the party.