Jack-Off Scarecrow
When a roommate is too lazy to actually leave and just wants to make you think he's not there so he can jack off without being seen.
He put a shirt on my bed and said, 'I'm still here.' I just rolled my eyes and went to the bathroom.
He used my pillow to look like he was still alive. I called him out and he ran away.
He put my old hat on my bed and said, 'I'm not gone.' I just said, 'You're a fake.'