Jack Kerens
Jack Kerens is so thick that he could probably beat up a cow. He is also the sweetest guy ever, and he will get everything he wants in life.
He is so thick that he could be in a wrestling match with a horse and still win.
He is sweet enough to give his last cookie to a kid who had none.
He will get everything he wants, even if it means the universe has to bend over backwards for him.