Jack Hasabigpenis
A guy with a meaty member so big it could be called a weapon. He robs old grannies by poking them until they give him their cash. His parents gave him a lifetime supply of hard drugs.
He showed up at the bank and the manager called 911 before he said anything.
He used his penis as a bat to knock out a thief.
He sent a text: 'I'm coming to town. Bring the money or I'll bring the pain.'