Jabber Jock
They treat life like a game show and you're the prize. If you don't win, you get tossed out the back door with a curse and a laugh.
My neighbor's cat got run over. I called him and said, 'You're lucky it wasn't you.'
I watched a kid get slammed by a car and said, 'That's the price of being alive.'
I texted my cousin: 'Your kid got stuck in a vending machine. That's what you get for being rich.'