J-Lub
A guy from Newport who can't stop touching himself like a maniac, even if it means missing a meal or a good argument.
I saw J-Lub in the grocery store, he was jerking off in the cereal aisle.
J-Lub texted me during church, I had to whisper 'you're gonna get caught'.
He tried to hide his J-Lub habits in the bathroom at work, but the toilet paper ran out.