I'll have you know that I was drunk
A ridiculous excuse that people say when they’re too drunk to know what they did. Usually includes things like licking a toilet, eating a shoe, or screaming at a vending machine.
I'll have you know that I was drunk and I licked the toilet in the principal's office.
I'll have you know that I was drunk and I ate a shoe like it was a sandwich.
I'll have you know that I was drunk and I screamed at the vending machine for ten minutes.