I will be sick on Monday - When you’re too lazy to do anything but pretend you’re dying

When you’re too lazy to do anything but pretend you’re dying so you can avoid life.

I will be sick on Monday because I’ve been living in my closet for three days and my hair is now a wild animal.

I will be sick on Monday because I tried to text my mom and my phone died and now I’m mad.

I will be sick on Monday because I ate a whole cake and now I feel like a monster.