I swear to god

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A fancy way of telling someone you're about to lose your mind and they better shut up before you start screaming in the middle of the grocery store.

'I swear to god, if you talk about your cat one more time I'm gonna throw this loaf of bread at you.'

'I swear to god, I will go to the bathroom and come back with a mop.'

'I swear to god, I'm gonna start crying and then I'll start screaming.'

When you say it like you’re about to die and you’re also mad and you’re not even sure why you’re mad.

'I swear to god, I just got out of a 2-hour meeting and now you're talking about your hair again.'

'I swear to god, if you don't stop talking about your ex I'm gonna start talking about my ex's ex's ex.'

'I swear to god, I'm gonna text my mom and tell her you're being annoying.'

What you type in your browser when you're trying to hide your stupid mistake from the internet and also from your mom.

'I swear to god, I just clicked on a link that says 'Why you're a loser' and now it's playing a song.'

'I swear to god, I just opened a tab that says 'Are you sure you want to do this?' and now I'm confused.'

'I swear to god, I just searched 'how to stop being annoying' and now I'm wondering why I'm still annoying.'

What you say to someone who won’t stop talking about something you don’t care about and also won’t stop talking about it.

'I swear to god, I’ve heard about your dog’s dog’s dog.'

'I swear to god, I’ve been listening to your story for 10 minutes and I still don’t know why your dog is sad.'

'I swear to god, if you talk about your dog one more time I’ll start talking about my dog’s dog’s dog.'

The best way to scare someone into blocking you or at least getting out of your head for a little bit.

'I swear to god, if you don’t stop texting me I’m gonna tell your boss you’re a drama queen.'

'I swear to god, I’m gonna start texting your ex again.'

'I swear to god, I’m gonna start crying in the middle of the park.'

When you say it and cross your fingers hoping it’s not true but it ends up being the most true thing you’ve ever said.

'I swear to god, I didn’t cross my fingers, I just really wanted it to be true.'

'I swear to god, I crossed my fingers and now I have to live with the truth.'

'I swear to god, I crossed my fingers and now I’m gonna have to deal with it.'