i swear to beans - You swear to something gross like gum, soup, or whatever is

You swear to something gross like gum, soup, or whatever is near you so you don't have to swear to God.

I swear to chicken soup if you keep talking about your ex's new dog.

I swear to this gum I'm chewing if you don't stop being a buttface.

I swear to this noodle soup if you don't shut up about your bad hair day.