I once had a bitch that - A mean way of saying you're so bad-ass, you could make a wit

A mean way of saying you're so bad-ass, you could make a witch cry. You tell them about when you turned their pet frog into a toaster.

I once had a bitch that turned your frog into a toaster and then flipped your pancakes.

I once had a bitch that made your dad wear a tutu and dance in the street.

I once had a bitch that stole your lunch and then kicked your chair.