i have witnesses - you fake having people who saw you do something, even if you

you fake having people who saw you do something, even if you're the only one who was there and you're too wasted to remember your own name.

i had witnesses, my friend. he saw me drink 10 beers.

i had witnesses, my boss. she saw me take the office candy.

i had witnesses, my brother. he saw me eat the whole pizza.