i have a wide stance - A lie so thick you could use it to cover your face while you

A lie so thick you could use it to cover your face while you slap the guy in the next cubicle.

I have a wide stance, and I'm not even pretending I'm not into him.

I have a wide stance, and I'm about to make him regret his life choices.

I have a wide stance, and I'm not leaving this bathroom until I make him cry.