I don't want to say this, but - A fake excuse you use so you can say something really mean,

A fake excuse you use so you can say something really mean, and you're either lying or telling the truth and you're both a jerk and a genius.

I don't want to say this, but your spelling is like a drunk kid at a keyboard.

I don't want to say this, but your face is like a used napkin.

I don't want to say this, but your voice is like a dying toaster.